My Grandfather's Clock

This is a song about me grandfather.
And them what doesn't want to listen,
Get out o't'room, please,
Because it's only annoyance to me.
Get in lads!

My Grandfather's Clock was a Waterbury Watch,
It could live 90 days without food.
With a silk 'at on its 'ead and my father's MecUntosh,
It was dressed up like a Picadilly Dude.
It was kept in the hall,
'Till the cup-board got The Small,
And we had no place the food, for to stock.
So the butter and the heggs,
And the little mutton legs:
We kept them in me Grandfather's Clock.

And the works of the clock,
Through the butter meltin' in it,
Sent the fingers flyin' round,
At a 'undred miles a minute,
And Grandad, with a sigh, said
"I haven't time to die,
So I'll put it off until the clock's repuured."

Aye 't'was about the best thing he could to do, you know.
Very sensible man, was me Granfather.
He al's undressed 'his'elf before 'ee got into bed.

My Grandfather's Clock was me Mother's P'rambulator,
'Round the park in it we used to ride.
There was me, and Treacle Tummy,
Liza Ant, and Justice 'Awkins,
Screamin' "Jimmy," and the twins all stuck inside.
So Grandad, 'oo was dead,
Changed his mind, got up instead,
And the sight that he saw give 'im a shock,
For the man 'oo brough the coal,
Couldn't get it down the 'ole,
So, 'ee slung it in me Grandfather's Clock.

And we didn't need a shovel,
As the pendulum swung 'igher.
For ev'ry time it swung,
It knocked some coal into the fire!
And at nine o'clock, the crank, used to
Chime a Dubble Blank,
So Grandad had to knock 'ee wouldn't go!