Looking for Mugs in The Strand

(Cough)(Cough)
Just a minute, boys. Just a minute, boys...
(Cough)
Let's clear out before we start.
(Cough)(Cough)
That was a good cough.
That's best cough I've done this year.
{unintelligable}
I'll cough anybod 'ere for five shillin's,
And I'll give'm coughs up to start with.
Nobody accept me challenge?
Right, go on, start'music...

Play soft for me.
Then the'can 'ear what am doin'.

I might dance yet...
...and I might not.
Of course I'n'please meself!

I'll just tell you while am 'ere.

No use keepin' y'waitin'.

Now-a-days a man's got to be clever,
Y'can't get along without brain,
It's the wiz'uns that gets all the money,
And the mugs that gets left for the pain!
Still it isn't my fault that I'm clever,
Though I've of 'eard it said 'London's slow,'
Now, when I got to London, a chap said to me:
"Are you lookin' for rooms," I said "no..."

"I'm lookin' for mugs in The Strand,
I'll find one before I've gone far,
It's as easy as winkin' to find 'em,
That's if you just know where they haare!
I'll defy Scotland Yard Men to get me,
I've got ways they don't understand.
'Cos while the detectives are lookin' for me,
I'll be lookin' for mugs in The Strand."

The'playin' 't'chorus now a secumd time.
And I've not asked 'em.
The'very willin' lads.
Very willin'...
Of course the'woudln't be as willin' you know,
If the'didn't get paid for it!
There's one little fella, 'ere,
Be'ind me,
'Ee's playin't'trombone...
I wish you could see 'im,
'Ee's got one 'alf of it in 'is mouth,
And t'uther'alf in 'is ear'ole!

...Mugs in Strand!

(Cough)
I just got on that last not then,
Wasn't much, but still it... showed
Me off, like, in the voice.
Didn't it?
Well... I think that's about all now.