Father Tried It On

Father always looked upon the brightest side of things,
He had a pal - a jeweller, who deals in diamond rings,
Pa called upon 'im yesterday, the jeweller said "John,
I've got the finest diamond ring you ever gazed upon."
And Father tried it on, the gave a gentle cough;
For now it's like me fathers dear old smile, it won't come off!

It was a good one that!

Father 'ad some whiskey, but he had Scotch Water too,
Ma won't let 'im have it, so I told 'him what to do,
Said I, "tell 'er you bought y'self a razor and a pot,
And when y'need t'shave of course the water must be 'ot!"
So Father tried it on, and very strange to say,
He should be clean, for now 'ee's shavin' forty times a day!

Aye, 'ee knows somethin'!