All of a Sudden it Struck Me

Good evenin' everybody, I'm going to bark now... no, I mean sing.
Go on, start band.

You must keep on playing now, you know, 'till I start to sing.
And when I start to sing, you'll know i'll be gone!
See?
Now, I'm going to start now, this next time.

Last week, to a concert, I chanced to go,
They asked me to sing, but I answered, "no,"
I said, "I'm a cunjeror, my name, it is Cleggs,
I'll show you a trick; would y'lend me some eggs?"
Then all of a sudden, it struck me,
I wished I'd'a said I c'd sing!

Dash it, I ought'a said I c'd sing!
Of course, I never thought about it...
What they was going to do.
(Laughs) It's a good job I wasn't cunjerin' wi'bricks!
It was bed enough as it was...
Y'know, I'm very sensitive,
I can smell a thing when it's comin'.
Let's see if I can get on any better in this next verse.
Get ready, lads, now.

I shared me bed with a pal, you see,
That's when'ee worked in the drapery,
'Ee dreamed he was servin' one night and so,
I thought he was tearing up callico,
Then all of a sudden it struck me,
I found he was tearin' me shirt!

Oh, it's awful, you know,
He kept on saying, "and, err, what for you madam? Right." (Whistles)
That's another piece gone, that's an imitation of when'ee was tearin' it!
So I had to get up and chastise 'im.
I expect sheets'll go next...

Third act now, lads.
Get ready.

I went to the doctor's, they thought I was ill,
He gave me some medicine, also a pill,
"Of course you've been drinking," he gave a sigh,
"If you drink any more of that whiskey, you'll die!"
Then all of a sudden it struck me,
I'll not go to him any more!

I don't think he knows what he was talkin' about.
I know what I'll do; I'll go 'ome now, and I'll 'ave one...
And I'll close me eyes...
And then I'll not know I'm not drinkin' it.

Are you ready, now, be'ind?
Y'know, that fella be'ind that's, err, recordin' this now, y'know they call 'im Syncopation George.
I think it's ragtime, I don't know what to call 'im, I think I'll call 'im a parasite!
Oh, no... come on, say that's an insect, I don't know but I'll enquire it about it...
Is that right, George?
Good 'ealth!